


Watching From Afar

by Katherine_Pendragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katherine_Pendragon/pseuds/Katherine_Pendragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has known about Merlin's magic for almost a month. Now, with Merlin in exile, who will watch over and protect Camelot in its darkest hours? And when no one else is up to the task, will Merlin be able to return?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decided

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Merlin or any of its characters.
> 
> This is my first official fanfic here, and it has not been beta'd. Any and all mistakes are mine alone.
> 
> In order for the story to make sense, I do have to give a bit of background, which is the italicized bit at the beginning. This of course means that there's plenty of space for a prequel, and the background that I just mentioned will give you an idea as to what it would be about. So something to think about as you read not only this chapter, but all of the following, is whether or not you would have any interest in that. I have plenty of ideas and would be more than happy to write it, so do let me know your thoughts. Thanks!
> 
> Enjoy!

_Arthur has known about Merlin's magic for almost a month. During these few weeks, he's kept Merlin imprisoned in his dungeons, entirely at a loss for what to do. Arthur is no longer in denial that his closest friend and servant is a warlock and has lied to him for seven years, nor is he angry; well, about the former, at least. The latter, he's not sure he'll ever really be able to let go of. He's not sure why he's keeping Merlin locked away- he's not afraid of him. However powerful Merlin may be, Merlin has given Arthur his word: he had never and never would do anything to harm Arthur or Camelot. Arthur isn't sure why he believes him- Merlin is a sorcerer and a liar, is he not? But there had been something about the innocence, the sincerity, the desperation, the_ fear _in his voice when he'd made that promise. Why would someone as powerful as Merlin fear Arthur? Merlin, who could probably kill Arthur with a single whispered word? Arthur had asked him as much, and Merlin's simple answer had been, "I'm not going to try and stop you from carrying out whatever sentence you see fit, Arthur. I'm putting myself at your mercy, in the hopes that my willing death will make you more open to magic. That's my job. It always has been. But now that I'm letting you do whatever you want with me... It's never seemed more terrifying." His_ job? _What on earth did he mean by that? What did Merlin mean by anything these days? Arthur is so confused, so lost in every aspect. The only single thing he's absolutely certain of is that he was not going to have Merlin executed. How could he? This is_ Merlin. _But he has to do something, doesn't he? The law is clear, and he can't change it for one man. He can't ignore it for one man. Even if he wants to, he needs time. He needs to ease himself, and the kingdom, for that matter, into this. It’s been over 20 years since magic has been even a little bit accepted. If Arthur is to change the laws, he’ll need to do it gradually. Besides, Merlin had lied. If not for sorcery, doesn't he deserve some punishment for lying to his king? For_ seven _years? Merlin will be punished, Arthur decides. But what sentence can he possibly give that won’t leave him wallowing in guilt and regret? He doubts there is such a ruling._

"Banishment."

Arthur said it as he walked into the dungeons to see Merlin for the final time.

Merlin, apparently not having heard Arthur approaching, jerked his head up, surprised. "Sire?" This was only the second time Arthur had come to see his friend during his imprisonment. He'd been hoping for a little more of a reaction than _that._

"You know, exile." Arthur repeated, hoping his annoyance didn't show. "That's my decision."

If Merlin noticed anything, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he stood up and walked to the bars separating him from his best friend. " _Exile?_ " He choked out.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, but-" Arthur had hoped to explain that this was the kindest option he had right now. He would be entirely free as long as he did not return to Camelot. He had a mother to go back to, too. Arthur was sure that Merlin would be able to find happiness again, far, far away from here. He had wanted to explain why he wouldn't simply acquit Merlin, or change the laws. He'd wanted to tell Merlin that he needed time, he needed to ease himself into this. And so did Camelot.

But Merlin interrupted his master- _former_ master- almost immediately. "No, not... You're not going to have me killed?" His eyes were wide and filled with tears, and Arthur realized that these tears came not from sadness but from gratitude.

_Gratitude._

Why on earth was the bloody idiot _grateful?_ He was being sent away from his home by his closest friend in the world and would return upon pain of death. The least he could do was be a little bit _annoyed._

Then Arthur realized with a pang that Merlin had spent the last three and a half weeks locked in this tiny cell fully expecting to die within the month and utterly terrified of it. Of course he was grateful. Grateful for his bloody _life._ And Arthur had thought it himself, hadn't he? He was being kind by banishing Merlin. Isn't that why he'd chosen to do it?

Merlin shouldn't _have_ to be grateful, though. If Arthur hadn't kept him locked up awaiting his seemingly inevitable execution, Merlin would have been as angry with him as he was with Merlin, and everything would be just a little bit closer to the way it used to be. The way it _should_ have been. Merlin would have been behaving a little more like his typical annoying, insubordinate self, and they'd have be paying each other constant mutual insults. Everything would have been alright.

But no.

No, because Merlin had just _had_ to go and make the revelation of his magic public. Given the situation they'd been stuck in, Arthur supposed he hadn't had much of a choice. But if Merlin had told him before then...

It didn't matter. Not anymore. What was done was done, and Arthur had made his decision.

Still, though. The one thing he couldn't put out of his mind as he watched his friend struggle with the apparent shock of _not_ being hanged was how _insulted_ he felt. His very best friend had honestly expected to be executed at his hands. Did Merlin really trust him so little?

But then, what reason had Arthur given Merlin to trust him? Before he'd found out about Merlin's magic, he'd constantly reminded the servant of how evil sorcery and all those who practiced it were. After he'd found out, he'd locked him up in a tiny, smelly cell under his castle without ever sharing a single thought about what he was feeling or what he planned to do. No, Merlin didn't have a single reason to trust him.

Despite this knowledge, he voiced his earlier thought. "You actually believed I would have you executed?"

Merlin just gaped at him.

Arthur continued, now having to try rather hard to keep the irritation from his friend's shock out of his tone. "You have until noon tomorrow to leave the city. You will return upon penalty of death. Do I make myself clear?"

Merlin continued to gape at him.

Having only realized the gravity of his words as he said them, Arthur was suddenly not in the mood for this.

" _Do I make myself clear?_ " He repeated, now making no effort to hide his annoyance. He was being unfair and he knew it, but he couldn't be bothered to care at the moment. He was throwing _Merlin_ out of Camelot. His closest friend, and he was kicking him out of his home, never to return. That was the only thing he could bring himself to think about.

This time, Merlin managed a small nod. 

And he closed his mouth.

Finally.

Arthur gave a curt nod in return and took the key to the dungeon cells off of his belt. After unlocking it, he opened the door and stepped out of the way, but Merlin made no move to leave. Arthur shrugged and turned to go. Merlin could do the same in his own time.

As Arthur walked away, he heard Merlin's shy voice call out quietly, "Arthur?"

Arthur stopped and looked over his shoulder, but made a point of not turning around to face his friend. "Yes, _Mer_ lin?"

"Thank you."


	2. Confusion and Conflicts

Arthur wouldn’t ever forgive himself for this, and he knew he wasn’t the only one. Merlin had more friends in Camelot than Arthur himself, and Arthur knew they’d make the next few years at _least_ a living hell for him, if only by their hateful glares and pitying glances. 

But why should he care? He was the _king._ He had passed judgment, and that meant it wasn’t up for discussion. Besides, hadn’t Merlin brought this upon himself by lying to Arthur? His _best_ friend?

 _Best friends don’t banish each other from the country when one finds out that the other lied,_ a voice in the back of his head told him. Arthur shook the thought from his mind almost immediately. He wasn’t the one at fault here. Merlin deserved this.

But did he? That was what Arthur couldn’t stop asking himself. He’d never bothered to sit down and ask Merlin what he’d done with his magic; he’d been too busy being angry with him. The one time he’d actually seen his friend use magic, he’d been doing so to protect him. What if that had been the case every other time? Or what if there hadn’t even _been_ another time?

But surely if Merlin had been using his magic for good, he’d have tried to tell Arthur before he’d been taken to the cells. Surely he’d have tried to explain, tried to get himself a lighter sentence.

Although, Arthur thought, Merlin hadn’t really been given much of a chance to explain anything. 

Maybe he still planned to. Maybe just before he was supposed to leave, Merlin would come to Arthur and tell him everything he’d done over the past seven years, and then Arthur would be able to let him stay in Camelot because everyone would see that Merlin had only ever been trying to help and everything could go back to normal.

Except, Arthur knew, nothing could go back to normal. Not after all of this. And if Merlin did come to him to offer an explanation, Arthur knew it wouldn’t change anything. Arthur could forgive his friend with all his heart, - which, he felt it necessary to remind himself, he would _not_ do - but he still needed time. It was a lot to take in, a lot to accept, and if it was going to bring about any changes, it would do so gradually.

•••••°°°°°•••••

Gwaine couldn’t believe it. Arthur was sending Merlin into exile, and _neither_ of them had bothered to tell him. Hell, Arthur hadn’t even bothered to make a formal announcement. Gwaine had been lucky that it was hard _not_ to hear the news regarding his friend; ever since Merlin had been released from the cells to pack his things and say his goodbyes, he had been the talk of the town.

But, Gwaine thought, what was more important was that _Arthur was sending _Merlin_ into exile_. Just the thought was ridiculous! And really, it had been obvious that Merlin was a sorcerer from the moment Gwaine met him. Before then, even: the flying plates in the tavern? Come on, had the princess really not noticed? It wasn’t as though Merlin had ever been subtle. And even if Arthur _hadn’t_ seen it, why was it such a big deal? How did it change anything? This was _Merlin._ It wasn’t like he’d ever try to hurt anyone. Ha! Now _that_ was silly. However much power Merlin possessed, it was impossible to picture him as anything beyond harmless, _especially_ to his friends.

Arthur just needed some sense talked into his thick skull. And so Gwaine picked up his pace and widened his step as he went on his hunt for the princess. 

And of course, he found himself running directly into the _actual_ ruler of the kingdom.

“Sorry!” he said, a smile appearing on his face.

“No harm done,” Guinevere replied, returning his smile immediately. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

Gwaine’s smile disappeared instantly. Right. Merlin is leaving. Arthur needs to be yelled at. “Looking for Arthur.”

“Going to talk to him about Merlin, are you?” A soft, sad smile replaced her original one. At Gwaine’s nod, she added, “Last I saw him he was in our chambers, the ones we share. I’ll warn you, he’s in a bit of bad way. I think he’s still conflicted, so play nice, alright? I did already try to talk to him; he wasn’t pleased to hear it, Gwaine. He needs some time.”

Gwaine nodded and thanked her, but it didn’t change anything. The princess needed to hear this, and if he felt bad, then all the better. He _should_ be upset with himself. 

He marched in the direction of Arthur and Gwen’s shared chambers and sure enough, the first thing he saw when he burst through the doors was the back of Arthur’s golden head. He was leaning against his desk, looking out the window with his arms crossed against his chest. Normally he would have turned around immediately upon hearing the doors open, but today he lingered at the far side of the room for a moment longer, watching the people mill about below him. Slowly he turned to face Gwaine.

Upon seeing who it was, his face flashed from his original thoughtful expression to such a mixture of emotions that Gwaine found it difficult to read. 

“Gwaine-” he started.

Gwaine held up his hand. He wasn’t going to hear the princess’s petty excuses and apologies. They needed to get to the point.

“You’re banishing Merlin. Why?” he said, pointedly without preamble.

Arthur’s expression immediately turned to one of anger. “Because he deserves it! He practiced _magic_ in Camelot, the law says that anyone who does so _will_ be executed, and as far as I’m concerned I’m being _kind_ banishing him!”

“Is that what you’ve been telling yourself?” He didn’t even have to try to make the contempt evident in his voice. 

Arthur continued as though he hadn’t heard, but his single second of hesitation and the quick flash of hurt on his face betrayed him. Gwaine decided not push. Not right now, anyway. “Besides, sorcery’s been banned for over twenty years, I can’t just go and change the law and expect everyone to accept it, Camelot needs time!” 

Gwaine strongly suspected that by “Camelot”, Arthur meant “I”. Again, though, he figured it was best to let the princess get everything off his chest before he made his own argument.

All he did was raise an eyebrow.

Arthur visibly weakened, and his look became very distant. “And… And he _lied._ Come on, tell me that doesn’t bother you… The _lying._ ”

Gwaine felt his stomach fall. It didn’t matter that he’d known Merlin’s secret; what mattered was that Merlin had never _told_ him. Yes, the lying _did_ bother him, and he’d been trying to ignore that little fact since the very moment everyone else found out.

But Merlin _had_ had good reason, and that was all that mattered. It was only in that moment that Gwaine truly and totally forgave his friend.

“Look,” Gwaine said, taking a deep breath,“of course it bothered me. But _come_ on, Arthur, can you actually blame him for not telling us? For not telling _you?_ You’re the king, Arthur, you can’t expect him to have-”

“It doesn’t matter that I’m the king!” Arthur yelled with a strength in his voice that Gwaine wouldn’t have expected him capable of at the moment. “What mattered is that I thought we were friends, I thought he _trusted_ me… He actually believed I would have him killed, Gwaine. After all we’ve been through together he thought I’d have him burnt at the stake without a second thought.”

“I’m afraid you’re not doing too much to disprove those beliefs by _banishing_ him.” Gwaine said coldly, before he could stop himself. He found that he didn’t really regret it.

Arthur whirled around and gave the wall a forceful punch before turning back to Gwaine and glaring. 

“Get out.” he ordered.

Gwaine found himself standing a little bit taller and glaring back at the king.

“Get _out._ ” Arthur said again, more vehemently this time.

“Merlin _wanted_ to trust you and look at what you’re doing, you’re destroying every chance you’ve got of-”

“Get out!” Arthur bellowed, throwing himself at his friend.

Gwaine managed to step aside before too much damage was done, but not without the princess landing a near-solid punch on his jaw. _That one’ll leave a bruise for a while,_ he thought. Arthur straightened and continued to glare at Gwaine, not looking the least bit sorry. 

Gwaine slowly backed to the door, hands up in mock surrender. “Fine, you win, I’m going. But you know as well as I do that you’ll regret this, princess.” he said, and slipped out the door.

As he walked away he could have sworn he heard a soft, barely audible sob come from inside the royal chambers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, done! This was a really fun chapter for me to write, so I hope it was even more enjoyable to read. It wasn't quite as long as I originally intended; only about 270 words longer than chapter 1. Sorry about that! One last thing: I've made an LJ to use as a bit of a progress journal. It's kjpendragon. It won't be necessary to use very often, but I will post on it occasionally, so it may be worth checking out now and then, if you are thinking that you'll continue to read the story. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviews will be super appreciated!


	3. A Dancing Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Well, that took a while! Sorry I didn't have it up sooner! It was partially my laziness and partially the fact that I hadn't expected this chapter to need half as much editing as it did. I'm not quite as pleased with it as I was chapter two, but I still do think it's alright. It's probably mostly because Gwaine was in that one and not this one. :p Anyway, enjoy!

Merlin was excited.

He was really, _really_ excited.

Yes, alright, things could be better. But that didn’t matter, not now. Everything would _get_ better, with time. Right now, all Merlin cared about was the fact that he wasn’t dead. And as long as he wasn’t dead, Arthur was safe. 

Good Lord, he didn’t even know why he cared anymore. After everything he’d done, his reward was exile. The stupid prat.

He should just go home. He should return to Ealdor and stay with his mum, live a normal, happy life and forget everything that the past seven years had brought upon him, everything they had done to him. He could leave all of this behind, and just be... _happy._

But he wouldn’t, he knew. He couldn’t. Hell, he didn’t even _want_ to, and that was the scariest part. This was his duty, his responsibility, his destiny.

It was more than that, though. So much more. It was Guinevere and Gwaine and Gaius and Arthur. Merlin had made a life here. If he couldn’t live it, well, the least he could do was protect it until it welcomed him back home.

And that’s what he would do.

•••••°°°°°•••••

Merlin didn’t have many belongings. He hadn’t obtained many material things since coming to Camelot. Everything he owned fit into the same single pack he’d carried on his back the day he had first arrived.

This, of course, meant that it took him all of ten minutes to pack. 

And so, with nothing left to do apart from saying his goodbyes, Merlin decided to leave that day. He knew he wouldn’t be able to wait until noon tomorrow; he probably wouldn’t even be able to wait until dawn. He had to go now, before he lost his nerve and broke down and begged the prat to let him stay. 

For the last time, he exited what had been his bedroom for all of those years. Just before he closed the door, he turned to look at the little room. It seemed so much smaller now. It looked so unimportant, so unused. So empty. Merlin sighed. _I’ll come back,_ he assured himself, and only then could he close the door.

He set his pack against the wall by the foot of the stairs and stood in the middle of Gaius’s chambers, looking around, trying to take it all in and make it into something that wasn’t called a memory, something that was so much more than just a thought. He wanted to be able to feel it, see it, live it whenever he liked. He took notice of everything, thoughtlessly closing his eyes to let himself focus on each and every little detail. He felt the breeze coming in through the door. He ran his hand along the nearest table, feeling the splinters, trying to memorize the pattern. He listened to Gaius’s light and few footsteps. How could he live without this?

Gaius looked up from his work. “Merlin? You’re done packing?”

With the words, Merlin’s eyes flew open and he was snapped out of his reverie. “Yeah, I am.” He remembered his earlier decision, suddenly realizing that it was going to be far more difficult to leave than he had originally anticipated. “Gaius, I’m leaving tonight.” He said.

Gaius raised his eyebrow. Merlin almost smiled, but soon he realized that this was probably the last time he’d ever see the once-hysterical expression on the old man’s face. “Tonight? Why tonight? You do know you don’t have to leave until tomorrow.” 

“I won’t be able to make myself go if I wait until tomorrow, Gaius. I’m sure of it.”

“Oh, Merlin. Please stay. Surely you want one last night in your bed? One last real supper? You’ve been in prison for a month, Merlin, you need proper rest in a real bed.”

“I know, Gaius, I know I do, but you can’t change my mind. If I spend a night in that bed I won’t be able to go. I’ll stay for supper if you like, but I’m leaving today, no matter what anyone says.”

Gaius sighed. “Off you go. Say goodbye to everyone. You had better be back in time for dinner.”

Merlin smiled. “ I will. I Promise.” And then he whisked out the door as he would on any other day.

•••••°°°°°•••••

Merlin wasn’t in any hurry to say goodbye. Instead, he wandered around the castle, taking in everything for the very last time the same way he had in Gaius’s chambers.

Occasionally he’d run into someone whom he had been friendly with. As they approached one another, Merlin would slow down and wait to see what happened, what they did. Some of them raised their chins and continued past him. Others would give him a small, pitying smile, some a hateful glare. The very worst were the ones whose faces displayed nothing apart from sheer terror, who created as much space between them as possible as they passed. They acted as though certain that he would turn them into ashes if they looked at him for a moment too long. Merlin felt as though he’d been run through each time it happened, and oh yes, it happened more than once. He wanted to turn and leave without ever saying goodbye to the people that really mattered.

But then there were those few kind people, some even strangers, who would smile at the sight of him and would wish him well and say they’d miss him and that they were sorry. He knew some of them didn’t really mean it, but it kept him there.

It kept him there long enough to find someone who _was_ sorry and _would_ miss him.

“Merlin!” 

Gwen threw herself into Merlin’s arms in a very unqueenly fashion. They stood in the hallway for a long time, simply holding each other. When they finally let go, Merlin saw the tears in his friend’s eyes, viciously threatening to come out, and immediately he felt his own. Suddenly, it all seemed so real. He was leaving. He’d come back one day, he knew that. But he didn’t know where he was going or how long he’d be gone. In that moment, it all seemed so much scarier than it had just an hour ago.

“Hello, Gwen.” He said, and a tear fell from his eye at the same time one did from hers. 

And here she was, the first friend he’d ever had in Camelot. Hell, the _only_ friend he’d had for a time. The daughter of the blacksmith, the maid to the king’s ward, the young woman who befriended the skinny little peasant boy who didn’t have any idea what he was doing, the pretty girl who’d had a crush on him. Oh yes, he remembered that part too.

And now in front of him, a strong queen who could always be relied upon and always, always did the right thing.

But more than anything, a friend. Always a friend. 

“I’m so, so sorry, Merlin. I tried to talk to Arthur, he won’t listen, he’s upset with you, upset with himself, I don’t know. He’s been so distant. Oh, Merlin, you have to stay. I’ll speak to him again, right now. He’ll chan-”

“Gwen.” Merlin stopped her. “It’s alright. I’m alright.” He laughed. “Hey, if my bet’s right he’ll have sent out a search party for me by the time the week’s out.” Merlin didn’t really believe it, but it got the point across. He’d be back, one day.

Gwen looked around, and then back at her friend. “Come on, let’s go to my chambers.” Merlin followed her without question. He had time, and he wanted to spend as much of it as possible with everyone that he could.

When Gwen closed the doors to her private chambers, she turned to her friend. “Show me.” Her words were quiet, and when Merlin finally figured out what she’d said, he was sure he’d heard wrong.

“Sorry?”

“Your magic.” She said, a reassuring smile appearing on her face. “Show me your magic.”

“Oh.” Okay, so he had heard right. “Alright.” He didn’t know whether to be uncomfortable with her request or excited that someone finally felt ready to see him use his magic.

He looked around the room, trying to find something to work with. Something that would be beautiful, but simple. 

And all of a sudden he remembered something he’d done so, so many years ago now. And perhaps it wasn’t appropriate. Gwen was the queen. But he found that that didn’t really matter to him right now. This could very well be the last time he ever saw his friend. He wanted to do this.

With a quick flash of his eyes, all of the candles in the room lit. 

_“Hoppaþ nu swilce swá lieg fleogan.”_ * He whispered. Slowly, each flame drifted away from its candle until they filled the space between Merlin and Guinevere, each bobbing up and down like a flower on water. Merlin was sure that Gwen’s smile couldn’t possibly have grown any wider.

“Oh, Merlin. It’s beautiful.” The tears in Gwen’s eyes had returned, and she turned her attention away from the flames and to her friend. Merlin let all of the flames return to the candles. “It’s _beautiful._ Why was it ever…” She shook her head. “Oh, Merlin. I’m so, _so_ sorry.” She ran forward and embraced him tightly. “This is going to change.” She whispered. “It will. I _promise._ ”

Merlin smiled over her shoulder. “I know it will.” He sighed. “Thank you so much, Gwen. For everything.”

Finally they let go of each other, and Merlin looked at her for one lingering moment before smiling and walking toward the door.

“Merlin?” Gwen called. He stopped and turned back to face her. “Good luck.”

Merlin nodded, smiled, and closed the door, making sure to catch a final good look at his friend as she watched him go.

But there was one little thing he did, just before closing the door.

Inside the room, Gwen stared admiringly at the single, tiny flame that had just appeared. For a long time she stood there, watching as it danced in front of her, and she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Many thanks to Merlin Wiki for the fabulous collection of all the spells used in the show! It sure is a good thing it's there; my attempt at putting that spell into printed words would have been horrendous, haha!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! The original goal with Merlin and Gwen's goodbye was _not_ to make it too romantic, but I was a hardcore shipper of Merlivere during season 1 and I got a bit carried away, haha. Hopefully it didn't get boring or anything, being from Merl's POV the whole time. Also, I don't know when chapter four will be up. I have it mostly outlined already because there's a scene in it that I've been looking forward to writing, but even when it's done I may not post it. The reason for this being that I'd like to get ahead a little bit. I think I'd like to write through chapter six, and then post four, and when I've finished writing seven, I'll post five, and so on, if that makes sense. It'll just help me feel a bit more secure with where it's going. That said, I'm going to work extra hard to get these next three chapters done so that I can post chapter four. I'm not going to give you an estimate as to when it'll be up, because I don't want to disappoint you if said estimate turns out to be horribly wrong. Enough of my rambling. Thank you guys so much for reading! Please don't forget to leave a review, they make me super happy. :)


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